Mom Sues High School When Son is Cut From Soccer Team

So this article came to my attention this week. (https://nypost.com/2018/09/29/mom-files-federal-lawsuit-after-son-doesnt-make-varsity-soccer-team/) A kid was cut from the varsity soccer team because his game wasn’t up to par with the other players that made the team. Rather than teach her son that we don’t always get what we want, we have to learn to be good losers, keep practicing and work on the holes in your game and try out again next year, she decided to make a federal case out of it….literally. Mom has sued in federal court claiming that the coach’s decision “discriminates against” her child. This couldn’t be more poorly timed, coming on the heels of the entitlement we’ve been hearing about lately, boys who don’t understand the word no. That, however, is not what I want to talk about. Instead, I want to talk about those who parent much more effectively than this mom.

I must put out a disclaimer. I am not and have never been a parent. I don’t know all the day-to-day issues involved in raising a child to adulthood. All I can speak to is my observations based on thirty years of teaching experience. I must say, I know some fabulous parents. Whether it’s the single moms who somehow manage to hold down a full-time job or run a business and still manage to do the jobs of both parents, or the stay-at-home moms who make parenting seem so effortless, or the mom and dad teams who share the responsibility of raising these fragile creatures with whom they’ve been entrusted, I am in awe of parents.

Over the years, I have seen the sacrifices made by these good people. They come to PTA meetings when they can, send in all the permission forms and payments for school field trips (and often the expenses involved are difficult to bear), attend parent conferences to make sure their child is doing well, and to receive information about how to help him or her improve, and do everything they can to help their child learn how to win and lose graciously, be kind, be courteous, and grow into an independent person who doesn’t feel entitled to anything he or she wants, and isn’t afraid of the cycle of failure, recover, and reboot. I’ve noticed a few things about these parents.

Parents like this don’t do everything for their child. They start letting the child do for him or herself. This teaches responsibility. They know there are times the child will fail, and they teach their children that failure is a life lesson. It teaches perseverance and logical thinking. So that didn’t turn out so well? What’s next? They know that only by letting a child try and fail will he begin to learn.

These parents also teach their children that no means no, not maybe, not I’ll think about it, definitely not yes, but NO. Sometimes for all of us the answer is no. No, I’m sorry but you didn’t get that job you wanted. No, I’m sorry, but she doesn’t want to go out with you; you’ll have to ask someone else. No, I’m sorry, but you just didn’t quite have the skills to make the team. Sometimes even prayers to God are answered with a no. We all have to learn to accept that, and be able to move on without being crippled by it.

I guess though, the major thing that I’ve noticed about the best parents is they don’t know they are great parents. If there’s a parenting class at their child’s school, they’ll be there. That’s because they don’t know that schools hold these classes for the parents whose children aren’t learning all these great lessons. And I guarantee, most of the people who attend will be the great parents. The not-so-great parents don’t feel the need to make the time. I’ve seen it time and again over the years.

I have two examples of great parenting that I want to share. Both are single moms. One supports herself through her art. Her son is diabetic, and his blood sugar frequently drops dangerously low at night while he’s sleeping. So mom has to be extremely diligent about monitoring his blood sugar before bed, and about checking him during the night. She posted on Facebook a few weeks ago about not being able to be a grade mother, or do more at the school. She knew she didn’t have the time, but also seemed to feel a little guilty about that. She’s an excellent mom; you can tell that by her posts. Yet she still seemed to feel the need to justify, if only to herself, that this was something that she just wasn’t able to do.

The other mom is one who attends my church. Both her children are intelligent, polite, strong – everything she could ask for. Her oldest child is in college now, so it’s just her and her younger child at home. She mentioned that the two of them had ice cream for dinner a few nights ago. It’s not something they do all the time. In fact, I think this was a first. I still perceived that she felt she had to make sure everyone knew that this was something unusual, and not an everyday occurrence. We all knew that, but I think she still felt a little guilty over having this fun diversion from their regular routine.

So, parents, if you are questioning whether or not you are a good parent, rest assured. If you are questioning this, you are. Only the good parents do.